Purposely Limiting

For those of you who don't know me, which I'm sure is most of you. I am originally from, what America has considered a "small town" or a sub-burb of a larger town. It's roughly 7,000 people. A few years ago, when I met my boyfriend, I moved from my "small town" to an even SMALLER town. (1,214 to be exact) I will say, I am extremely happy that I did not move out here as a single gal. There really are no great guys in this town. And if they are cute or attractive, they most likely are either married, in high school or here for the weekend camping. Oh did I mention? We live by a lake. Summer time at the lake is the best way to scope out all the cute guys that happen to make their way to this small god-forsaken town.

Being single here would be terrible. When I first moved here, my man introduced me to all of his female friends, hoping that I would make some friends myself. The first person that I met was Vanessa*. She was 27, married with 2 adorable kids, and in desperate need of work, like myself. My first job when I moved here was working at a Super 8 Motel. It was just built so they were looking for people to do front desk and housekeeping.

As a new employee of the Super 8, we, the staff, had to help clean all the rooms before they would make their grand opening in May. We spent about 5 weeks scrubing down toilets, peeling stickers out of the tubs and dusting every single thing in the place. Lots of loong days of cleaning.

On one of these days, I decided to take a lunch break with Vanessa. We were sitting in her mini-van, talking about our men, just as random conversation, and the very first thing that she said to me, as she puffed on her cigarette, was "I think I married the wrong person." <----THAT is a VERY powerful statement to make. Listening to her talk about her now ex-husband, I felt for her. It seemed to me like she married him because she felt forced into it by him. Let me just say, the guy wasn't exactly the top pickin's. She did love him, there is no doubt about that. But since her divorce, I truely believe she falls for the wrong people.

The reason she divorced her husband was, well, for many reasons. First things first, he was a complete jerk. She invited me & my man out for drinks with her and her husband. As we're sitting at the bar I'm listening to them talk to each other and all he kept doing was insulting her. Saying how she gets pissed off if you do this to her or she gets really mad when you say this. (Well then dumbass, you don't say those things) We moved to the upper area of the bar to play some pool. The insults just kept coming from him. I couldn't understand how she could tolerate it.

Second main reason she divorced this jerk was because he was terrible with his money. Or shall I say, "their" money. He was a truck driver, who made a good living, but for some reason they could never keep up on their bills. I overheard a conversation of theirs at Christmas time where he was saying he wanted to us their extra money to buy their daughter a ride on tracker...instead of using that $200+ dollars to pay some of their bills. <--honestly, this turned into an argument. I couldn't believe that either.

Another thing he was very good at, was hiding his tracks. After she kicked him out, she started cleaning out the house and low and behold she had found loan papers in the wall of their closet, money hidden behind light switch covers, and learned that he had cheated on her while he was away. Again, WHO DOES THAT?!

But I think the main reason she left him wasn't due to how he treated her, but how he treated the kids. The man didn't even pay any attention to them, unless he had bought them something. (even now after they are divorced, the kids spend time with his mother, not him)


Even before the papers were signed and the ink was dry, she found a new man. I met them at a small town bar (yes, even smaller then the one I'm currently living in) and she introduced me to him. To be honest, I didn't really know what to think of him. He was so jittery. She later told me he takes a lot of meds to keep himself under control or some shit like that. He just seemed like a total crack head to me. But the way she looked at him was like a child looking at a piece of chocolate cake. It was puppy love at first sight.

What could I do? My friend was in love with this new guy and I didn't want to burst her bubble that he may not be the right one. So I let her be happy....atleast for a few months. As I was sitting at home talking to my man on the phone, he tells me that he heard Vanessa was sent to the hospital. I asked what had happened and rumor was that her new man had put her there. I texted her and asked her if she was ok and what happened. She told me to come over and she'd explain the whole thing.

Sitting across from her on that picnic table looking into the dark, swollen eyes of my broken and bursed friend, anger rose in me. She explained to me what happened. They left a party, he was acting funny, the music he was playing in the car was not his normal tracks. Then, he starts yelling at her, and for what felt like hours to her, he beat her. He beat her completely senseless. Driving on that gravel road that night had to be the worse night of her life. When they finally got back to her house, he left her in the car and went inside to watch tv. (I'm sure there are a few of you that are thinking, WTF?) She got out of the car and made her way inside the house, and all he said to her was "you should have listened to me". <---I Know right? Massively fucked up. Out of fear she went to the bathroom to try and see the damage. All she knew was she could barely see. So, making sure not to be heard, or seen, she grabbed a towel from the bathroom, slipped out the door and headed the 4 blocks in the dark to her fathers house.

The rest of the story is typical. Called the cops, he goes to jail, she goes to hospital, and her pride is definately broken.

About 3-4 months after Mr. Abusive. She meets another guy. He just happened to be doing some construction work for the place we were working at. (And I will say, he was from out of town) I won't go into massive details with their relationship, but apparently he was a great lover who did nothing but read the bible and talk about God. Why they broke up? He did nothing but push his beliefs on her. He would come to her house and read the bible. So, she broke up with him because he could not respect her and her beliefs.

Not too long after Mr. Bible Tumper came, who I will like to call, Mr. Not-So-HotRod. Now this guy seemed like a real winner. He was living on his own (divorced, no kids), worked for a dealership as a mechanic, was super sweet to her kids, and was just super friendly in the bedroom. Well, after nine months of being so "super great" and after she moved into his house, he started becoming a bit of an alcohlic. Not paying bills but always having a 12 pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes on him.

Let me put this on the record, that my boyfriend told me that Mr. Not-So-HotRod was a complete d-bag. (I realized he was the guy that used to sell my man his weed)

So now, moving into a new house that her family owns (she has her own house, but when she moved in with Mr. Not-So-HotRod, she rented it out) she can finally be away from him. Or so she thought. This morning at work she informed me that while she was getting up daughter up this morning for school, she happened to look out her window, see a car parked down the street (she lives at a T-intersection so the straight facing her house) sees the car lights turn on and realizes it's Mr. Not-So-HotRod...or should I say, Mr. Stalker.
It's reasons like that I never dated anyone from my home town. The chance that you could run into them or that they could follow you or stalk you is just too great.

After Vanessa told me about Mr. Stalker this morning I asked "Why do you limit yourself? There are so many great guys out there beyond this tiny town"

She said "It's convient. And where else am I supposed to find a guy that is worth being with if he's not close at hand?"

I was stumped. Ok, so earlier, I lied. I have dated someone from my town. Once, in high school and once when I was 22. You would have thought I would have learned not to shit where I eat back in high school, but apparently at 22, I didn't care.

Why is it that we as women limit ourselves to the town we live in? The sex may be more convient, yes. But where is the substance? Sometimes we just have to get out of our normal routine and explore the great earth to see what else is out there waiting for us.

I suppose I am guilty of settling in a relationship. I believe mine spawns from my daddy issues growing up. But the current relationship I'm in, I have my good days and then I have my "I just wanna pack up and leave days". Yes, I shouldn't feel like that, but some days I just wonder if he will ever get out of this rut. Statistics tell us, no. But I have faith that something will change. Not drastically, but something little. He WILL better his life. He will not settle with his low paying job or living in this 2 bedroom house for the rest of our lives. I think I just miss my group of close knit friends. They all live back at home and I live...in BFE. I do have hopes that a job oppertunity will turn up and I will get a chance to take it. But until then, here I am.

If anyone has a story they would like to share, please feel free to comment below or shoot me an e-mail!





*names have been changed to protect the privacy of the persons mentioned.